Russian Roulette {Private}

[asher]

Asher frowned slightly as she moved away from him, pulling her clothes back on as she thought. "No, what do you want from me?" she questioned once she had been fully dressed, running a hand through her hair and pulling it into a braid. "And don't tell me you don't know or nothing because that's bullshit," she said, turning to face him.

Even with him sitting she was not much taller than him at all, her violet eyes flaring with an emotion that she didn't know or care to name as she crossed her arms over her stomach. She was partially surprised that she hadn't ended up pregnant yet, but she also knew that her luck would run out unless she settled down with someone or retreated and became a hermit.

Tossing those thoughts aside, she fixed him with a firm look as she reigned her emotions in so that her entire body was neutral.

[Alehkar Garieptol]

Alehkar frowned as the atmosphere completely changed and as she began to put her clothes on he follow suit with pulling his pants on Eyes cast down as he did so before shrugging as he looked up at her. He was biting his lip as he watched emotions flare across her face ,but throughout it all he could not determine what she was feeling. But she was not happy. Sure, she asks but she really doesn’t want to know the answer. He highly doubted it, and even if he gave her an answer she would wish she had not asked it anyways.

But if he was to say nothing she would probably clobber him to the ground and leave. So the Daemon was slightly stuck as he shoved his hands in his pockets for a moment and just shrugged again, almost stuck on what he should say. But then a slight smile came to his lips, barely pushing away his frown as he stated ”A kiss?” as his response. His eyes glancing down at the floor and to the fireplace before raising to look at her eyes again.

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[asher]

Asher frowned and shook her head, crossing her arms as she looked away, giving him a profile as she studied the empty fireplace. She had asked because she wanted to know what he wanted and how she should treat him, but with that, all it told her was that he was like all the other guys, just wanted her for her body.

She bit her lower lip as she ran her hands through her hair, pulling it out of the braid in a sharp tug that was undoubtedly painful. It was driving her insane that he insisted he wasn't like everyone else and yet he acted exactly like all of them. She finally turned around, putting her back to him as she wrapped her arms over her stomach, oddly feeling like crying at the moment.

[Alehkar Garieptol]

Watching her caused him to stare at the ground as she turned away from him so he couldn’t look to her eyes. He was not sure what she wanted from him, and he knew what he wanted from her but he did not want to scare her away. The Daemon was frowning at himself as his hands shoved deep in his pockets, not quite sure what his feelings were at that moment. But when he looked back up at her hugging herself he couldn’t help but move forwards and standing behind her, putting his arms around her waist whether she would resist or not.

“I’m sorry.. I did not mean it like that..” His voice was quiet as he tried to get his head clear. This was why he stayed holed up in this place for years, he just was not one for conversation and he always fucked up when he did. “I’m sorry.. Just if I tell you what I really want from you...” Alehkar’s words trailed off as he frowned at himself, brows furrowing together in frustration.

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[asher]

Asher stiffened, not wanting the contact right now. She didn't understand him and it frustrated her and she didn't want to be comforted, she wanted to hang on to that edge of anger she had. "Stop fucking apologizing," she said, going to move away from his grasp.

"You say all this goddamn shit how you're not like everyone else yet you do the exact same fucking thing they do, so in the end, you are exactly like them," she said, violet eyes flaring in anger, not like he could see. There was also a hint of sadness to them, showing she had believed in him and had trusted what he said.

Tears were starting to form and she blinked rapidly, trying not to cry because if she cried over this, then she would have to admit to her feelings and she was trying hard not to do that.

[Alehkar Garieptol]

Alehkar frowned but he did not let her go, his arms staying around her as he shook his head. “Yeah Right. I’m just like them all I really want to do is fuck you and leave you to whatever scum is next. Without looking back. You are comparing me to them? Honestly?” He had slight disbelief in his voice as he shook his head, wanting to both scream and just turn away at the same time. Punch something really hard and nuzzle his face into her neck at the same time. He could not see her tears and that was probably for the best.

He had pulled away from her to shove his hands in his pockets, doubting holding her against him would do much good he’d probably just get punched or something. ”It’s not like its easy for me to say how i care about you..how I hate the thought of you being with someone else..even if that is immature and stupid... Or the fact that if I say something slightly about feelings I feel as though you‘d be out the door as fast as you could. I'm just trying to be lighthearted as you asked, to not think so much. Do you even know what you want from me? Just the slightest idea? ”

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[asher]

Asher scowled at him, turning around and willing tears away so that all was there was the shine in her eyes as she looked at him. "So far you haven't given me a reason to think otherwise, Alehkar," she said, crossing her arms over her chest as she looked at him, violet eyes swirling with emotions.

"I know what I want but I don't get what I want because it will be gone the minute something better comes along. I'm just a fuck toy, a way to pass the time until something better comes along, I know it, so I don't bother pining after things I can't and won't have," she said, her voice growing bitter as her insecurities came to light. She glared up at him, as if daring him to challenge her, angry tears shining in her eyes.

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[Alehkar Garieptol]

Alehkar’s anger immediately subsided as her eyes looked to him, the frustration melting away as his shoulders relaxed slightly. The tears in her eyes glistened with too much emotion to read, anger being a clear one of them but so much more at the same time. Her words seeming to hit all emotions out of him for a moment, wanting to drag her into his arms but not quite sure she would accept it. But he decided he did not care and she would have no say anyways. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her forwards before his arms wrapped around her.

Head falling to kiss her cheek, bending his head down to do so. “Asher.. That is not true.” but to her it was completely true, he knew that was how she felt and him saying that would not comfort her. Just as him calling her beautiful didn’t even crack a smile on her lips and had the opposite effect he had originally thought. “I care about you and I did not mean to upset you..” His eyes looked down at her, dark and without their usual sparkle in them. "What i really want is for you to be mine, for you to always be safe and to not go far from me. I don't want another man to look at you when i'm around and i do not want you to ever frown. See? I know you cant give that to me, and to want that is absolutely insane. So why tell you it?"

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[asher]

Asher frowned, shaking her head as if she didn't believe what he was saying or as if she just didn't comprehend it before she let her head fall forward, resting against his chest, her body going limp as if she were exhausted as if from whatever they had been doing had been the most tiring thing in the world.

She bit her lower lip harshly, drawing blood before shaking her head, a few tears escaping from violet eyes before she lifted a hand to rub at her eyes, only succeeding in drawing a few more. "How do you know what I can and can't give? What I'm willing to give and whatnot?" she asked, holding a valid point.

"Damn you," she muttered, tears falling as she tried to pull away, wanting to hide and not let him see her cry. It was without feeling, her cursing at him this time.

She knew exactly how she felt for the daemon and what she wanted. All she really wanted was for someone to want her for her and want to be with her, which was why she hid behind the facade, away from everyone where no one had been able to reach her until now.

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[Alehkar Garieptol]

Alehkar cringed at her cursing him, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them to look down at her. Swallowing slightly in a sudden silence before speaking. ”How can I know? Trying to figure out what is the real you is like trying to put together a puzzle without knowing where to start. For me to just jump right in and tell you how much I want you to be just mine, when I can’t even get half to figuring out what you want..”

His eyes moved and watched as a tear rolled down her cheek, lifting a hand and letting his thumb brush over to wipe it away. Dropping his hand to go back around her again, very loosely so if she wanted to leave she could. He had no idea how he could make Asher see what he meant, and what she meant to him.

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[asher]

Asher shivered slightly, whether from cold or trying to not cry anymore it wasn't certain, but she couldn't help the crying that she was doing. She shook her head, sending her hair sliding over her shoulders, as if she was trying to hold onto the edge of anger that she had, what little it was that kept her upset with him.

For her, there were two kinds of possessive in the world, ones that would kill to keep you and ones that would kill to keep others from having you and she lived in a world where the most common phrase was "put your money where your mouth is," she murmured, voicing the last part of her thoughts aloud.

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[Alehkar Garieptol]

Alehkar watched her as she shivered and spoke. The statement confusing him for a moment before he nodded and let his arms move from around her. His frame left her for a moment as he grabbed the blanket off the ground. Walking back to her he wrapped the blanket over her shoulders, pressing a kiss to her tear stained cheeks softly. “I will.” he murmured, nodding before placing another kiss to her other cheek.

Apparently he had to prove his words to her, if by trying to protect her from all danger did not show anything to her, then he would have to be more absurd in his actions. His brows furrowed in thought before he glanced down at her. “And by the way, I asked for a kiss from you because to me it is an affectionate gesture. Nothing less then that.” He leaned and pressed another kiss to her forehead before pulling away from her.

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[asher]

She wrapped tiny fingers in the blanket, holding it close to her as if it would protect her from everything around her and in her, a shell to the world. She blinked rapidly a few times, releasing one hand on the blanket as she ran a hand through her hair, trying to sort out her thoughts as she bit harshly on her lower lip, undoubtedly drawing blood, but not that she'd notice.

She nodded again in response to his statements, her actions showing that her mind was not exactly in the present and that whatever came out of that pretty little mouth of hers would be her first thought with no hiding or dodging. It was the perfect time to ask her any question that you wanted and get a straightforward answer.

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[Alehkar Garieptol]

Alehkar frowned at her lack of response, watching as she bit her lower lip aggressively and frowned slightly. What was he going to do? She looked so fragile, the fire in her dwindled slightly and he was not used to seeing her like that. His brows were furrowed before he scooped her up into his arms so his arm was under her legs and his other around her torso.

He laid her on the couch, laying behind her and wrapping his arms securely around her waist. What was he going to do with her? He wanted to make her feel better but he did not know how or what to say. “Asher, what are you thinking..” maybe if he knew what she was thinking he could make it go away? This is why he rarely got to know people, he was not the best at conversations. Or comfort. Usually just giving a flower or something to an upset friend, when he had them. Obviously that would not work right then.

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[asher]

She paused for a moment, blinking and making a surprised sound when he picked her up before settling back down in his arms, relaxing against him. It was odd how fast he could get her to relax, even with a simple touch it calmed her down.

"A lot of things," she said softly, closing her eyes as she bit on her lip again. "Why my life is the way it is, will it ever get better? Will I know what to do with it if it gets better? Will I be able to keep things? Why me, out of most everyone else," she said, her voice growing soft as she brought one hand up to cover her face.

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[Alehkar Garieptol]

Alehkar’s thumb moved to brush over her lip to stop her from biting it, half heartedly. His brows were furrowed as she listed off what she was thinking about, and his hold on her tightened ever so slightly. One hand moving to make small patterns against her shirt where it rested, eyes watching her face before she covered it with her hand and let his gaze drop.

“ I do not know the answers or I would give them to you, and what do you mean by keep things? You have your own house that is beautiful. Away from everything.” His hand lifted from its spot to move through her hair, fingers raking through the length of it in a slow and steady pattern.

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[asher]

Asher felt herself grow calmer under his touch, her racing thoughts being reigned in as she shrugged half heartedly, burying her face in his chest and shoulder. "I mean, if I get things that I want and make me happy, will I be able to keep them or will I drive them away and not know what to do or what I'm doing until it is too late?" she said softly, violet eyes closing.

She was exhausted emotionally and right now she didn't want to think at all, just to lie here and not say anything but that' wasn't possible.

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[Alehkar Garieptol]

His arms pulled her against him as she buried her face into his shoulder. Pressing a soft kiss to her temple before resting his cheek against her head. Going silent at her words and just holding her to him for a moment. His own eyes had shut lightly, as a slight sigh escaped his lips. “If it helps I wont let you drive me away?” Which would be hard to do because she really did have a good façade. But Asher was not someone he wanted to just sleep with and never see again, even if she could not commit to just him. He would not want her gone

[asher]

She finally smiled, even though he couldn't see it, he could probably feel it, as she shook her head, a light laugh escaping her lips. "I doubt I could get rid of you if I tried," she teased, turning her head slightly so she lay a kiss on his shoulder and neck, her warm breath trailing over his skin as she returned to her original position.

She relaxed completely against him, the tension disappearing out of her body as she just lay there with the daemon.

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[Alehkar Garieptol]

His frown disappeared at her light laugh, eyes opening to look to her as she placed a kiss on his shoulder before they slipped shut again. It was good to hear her laugh, and he had a small smile on his lips in response to it before he laughed himself at her words. “Probably not.” he shrugged his opposite shoulder before pressing a kiss to her shoulder and leaning his head back afterwards. He could feel her relax into his hold, and he was thankful for that. He did not like seeing her that upset, and what bothered him most is he had started it.